Nocte's Guide to Living With the Avengers
by FieryCaptainSpiderSanta
Summary: So, you want to hang and/or live with the Avengers? Here's a little survival guide, a list of rules to follow. I highly recommend you follow them. Cuz, these are the mistakes that I, and the others, have made.
1. Rules 1-10

**A/N- Hai! I was really bored one day, and I started reading some other guidelines. I thought it looked pretty cool, and decided to write one for myself! I only have a few written out for now, so updates will probably be slow. I'd love to hear your ideas, though. I can also write one-shot stories about the rules, at your request.**

 **This is through my OC, Nocte's, POV. You don't have to read my story, Nocte, to get this. All you need to know is that she can control the shadows.**

 **On to da storah!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

1\. NEVER play Russian Roulette with Natasha, unless you have a death wish.

\- I was playing with her, she's actually really good.

\- She did miss once. Luckily, I was able to dodge the bullet.

\- Steve still freaked. He came in on us playing another time after that, too.

\- "What are you guys doing?" "Playing Russian Roulette." " _What?!_ "

2\. Try not to disappear randomly.

\- I was bored, so I took a trip to Asgard. I didn't tell the others.

\- Thor and Loki came to get me.

\- I was drinking with Sif and the Warriors Three.

\- Worst lecture of my life…

3\. Don't prank Loki.

\- You will get into an all-out war.

\- He is merciless.

\- I lost, _bad_.

\- We then decided to get the others.

4\. Don't sit in the rafters with Clint and shoot people with Nerf guns.

\- While that's always fun to do- especially to the new recruits on the Helicarrier- you will get into trouble.

\- Clint will run, leaving you to take all the blame.

\- I got him back for that.

5\. DO NOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, mess with the coffee machine!

\- I accidentally messed it up once.

\- The second I saw the others, I ran.

\- I came out from hiding a month later.

\- They were still mad.

6\. Don't randomly start singing slightly murderous songs.

\- I was singing 'I Can't Decide', by the Scissor Sisters.

\- Bruce walked into the living room as I was doing so.

\- He was a little worried, to say the least.

\- I had to explain to him that it was just a song, and I'm (generally) not a murderous person.

\- He's still wary around me, though.

7\. Don't start talking about a ship, without explaining what you're talking about first.

\- I had made Tony read a story, and the main ship called themselves 'Cold-Blooded Murder'.

\- We started talking about it during dinner.

\- The others' faces were priceless!

8\. Don't fake your own death.

\- Only Loki is allowed to do that.

\- I did that, and everyone freaked out.

\- It got to the point where they even buried me.

\- I was laughing so hard inside that coffin.

\- It was surprisingly comfy.

\- When I came back, Thor thought I was a zombie.

9\. Don't say you're joining Loki's Army.

\- They will take you seriously.

\- I was in the glass cage on the Helicarrier for a week.

\- Loki thought I was serious, too.

\- He tried to get me to 'kneel'.

\- I refused, and kicked him in the shin.

10\. If you start smiling for no reason, be prepared to get blamed for everything.

\- I made a joke in my head, and started smiling.

\- Then, I started laughing.

\- Loki decided to pull a prank, then.

\- I was blamed.

 **A/N- Woo! First 10, done!**

 **I had NO INTERNET ALL DAY! It was HORRIBLE! On the bright side, I wrote about 35 rules, all in Word. I'll put the next two chapters up soon.**

 **Please tell me what you think, and leave any ideas you have. You can give it to me in a PM, or a review. See you soon!**


	2. Rules 11-20

**A/N- So, here are another 10 rules to follow!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

11\. Don't hide Thor's Pop tarts.

\- Any havoc he wreaks will be on your head.

12\. Same goes for Tony's alcohol.

13\. Don't call Loki Reindeer Games.

\- Tony did that, and Loki made reindeer antlers grow out of Tony's head.

\- It was freaky.

14\. Clint doesn't like Robin Hood

\- He thinks he is better.

\- To prove his point, he will use you as target practice.

\- He couldn't catch me!

15\. The following movies are banned:

\- The Lion King

\- (Loki hates the similarities between him and Scar, and Thor and Mufasa)

\- Titanic

\- (Do you know how awkward it is to try to comfort a bunch of superheroes, plus Loki?)

\- Any sad movie.

\- Any scary movie.

\- (Personally, I don't really get scared. But, everyone kept asking me to guard their rooms. I just told them all to grow up, and stop being wusses.)

\- Anything 'R' rated.

\- (Steve gets mad when I watch it.)

\- Percy Jackson movies.

\- (Thor and Loki don't like Greek mythology. I think the books were waaaay better, anyway.)

\- This list will probably keep growing.

16\. Don't shout random things during a mission.

\- I yelled "TACOS!" on a stealth mission.

\- It nearly gave away our position.

\- The others were super pissed, but I was too busy giggling at their reactions to care.

17\. Don't make me mad.

\- I'm worse than Bruce.

\- A new recruit pissed me off.

\- They haven't seen him since…

18\. The same actually goes for most of the Avengers.

\- Natasha will most likely hold a gun to your head.

\- Bruce will Hulk out.

\- Steve will yell, and then probably brush it off.

\- Tony will do the same.

\- Clint will use you as target practice.

\- Thor really doesn't care.

\- Loki, well, you never know what Loki will do.

19\. No making references that the others won't understand.

\- They just give me a blank look when I start talking about something in my book.

\- Then, their eyes glaze over as I try to explain.

\- I stopped explaining.

20\. Don't let anyone pick you up at school.

\- Tony is just annoying; he always comes in his armor.

\- Same with Thor, but he's not obnoxious.

\- Steve is okay. He'll just make you run home. I don't have a problem with that.

\- Natasha will pick you up in a quinjet.

\- Bruce is okay. He'll come in a car, like a normal person.

\- Clint forgets about me.

\- No matter who comes, everyone will not stop bugging you, asking if the can meet whoever comes.

\- I just started walking home.

\- People started following me.

\- I go 'stealth-mode' now.

 **A/N- Aaaand-*puts final touches on list* another 10 done! I hope you enjoyed it, please leave your thoughts and ideas, whether it is through a review, or a PM.**


	3. Rules 21-30

**A/N- This is the last full group that I have written. I'll start writing any ideas that you give into the next one. Or, if anyone asks for a one-shot, I'll write that.**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte**

21\. Don't curse around the following people:

\- Steve

\- Bruce

\- Thor

\- Loki (Unless it's really old-timey, like what the Asgardians use.)

22\. Don't randomly start talking in another language.

\- It doesn't work if they know the language, but Natasha and I were able to confuse most of them. I was speaking Latin, and she was talking in Russian.

\- We were seeing who could confuse people more.

\- It was a tie.

23\. The same goes for texting.

\- Tony isn't really affected, he has Jarvis.

\- Steve and Thor hardly know how to use a phone.

\- Bruce, Clint, Loki, and Natasha are fair game, though!

24\. You're not allowed to talk in a satanic voice.

\- I totally freaked out the new recruits.

\- Fury was really mad.

25\. Don't tell the new recruits that there is a traitor, and that their first test is to figure out who it is, and apprehend them.

\- They thought I was being serious.

\- They all came to the conclusion it was me.

\- Again, Fury was mad.

26\. Don't skip class.

\- Steve, Bruce, and Loki will get mad.

\- But, math is super boring!

27\. Don't do the 59 ways to make your teacher want to back-hand you.

\- I was almost suspended.

\- A/N- If you are unfamiliar with this, check out my profile. It's actually pretty funny.

28\. Clint will get mad if you use the air vents to get around.

\- He thinks only he is allowed to do that.

\- He lets me and Natasha do it, though.

\- I think he's secretly scared of us both.

29\. Don't show off in front of the new recruits.

\- They get a little jealous.

\- They used me for target practice.

\- I still kept showing off.

\- Pssh, I don't care what you people think! I just like looking badass!

30\. Only Natasha, Bruce, Pepper and I are allowed to cook.

\- Tony, Thor, Loki, Steve, and Clint couldn't cook to save their lives.

\- Especially together.

\- I think Steve burned water once…

 **A/N- Another 10, with assistance from my family! Like I said before, I promise to put any ideas sent to me into the next one. For now, just review, fave, follow, and PM!**


	4. Rules 31-40

**A/N- Here is the next 10! Enjoy!**

 **Thanks to daringwolf2000, for reviewing. Yeah, this has been pretty fun to write, too!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

31\. Don't prank Bruce

\- The last time I did that, he destroyed half of New York before we calmed him down.

32\. Don't go into Natasha's room.

\- I had to talk to her, so I went to her room.

\- She almost killed me.

33\. Don't hack Jarvis!

\- Loki did it to prank Tony.

\- Jarvis kept quoting 'Star Wars'.

\- Tony was really mad.

\- And a little upset.

\- It was really funny!

34\. Try not to make anyone cry.

-Natasha just doesn't show emotion.

-Clint isn't quite as good, and if he can't hide it, he'll go to the vents.

-Tony will either go to his lab, or pretend that 'there's something in his eye.' (Unless he's drunk.)

-Loki will do the same.

-Bruce isn't easy to upset, but he'll either go to his room, or the lab.

-Steve is the same, except he'll go to the training room, not the lab.

-Thor will cry without shame, and it gets really awkward.

35\. Don't introduce Loki to his fangirls.

-He will make them kneel.

-Everywhere we go, know.

-He also figured out that an angered fangirl is a powerful force.

36\. Don't hide in your room for days on end.

-I was reading!

-They didn't have to break down my door to make sure I was okay!

37\. Don't touch my burritos!

\- They are MINE!

38\. Don't touch my stuff.

\- Tony hid my electronics once when he was mad.

\- I tore apart the tower trying to find them.

\- I succeeded.

\- We haven't seen Tony for three days.

39\. Don't try to teach Thor or Steve how to use the Internet, or basically any other modern-day technology.

\- You will get a major headache.

\- They will repeatedly ask a bunch of stupid questions.

\- Usually the same ones over and over.

\- Loki isn't as bad.

\- He learns quickly.

40\. Don't be creepy.

\- I was sitting in the middle of the room, with a blank look on my face.

\- When someone came in, I kept the far away look in my eyes, but I smiled creepily.

\- I started singing.

\- "Laaa la, lalala la. Laaa la. Lalala la."

\- I just kept repeating that.

\- Even Loki was scared.

\- It was even better when I made the lights start flickering.

 **A/N- I've said this in my other stories, but I'm going on vacation soon. I will have internet, but I will probably be really busy, and not able to update. I'm really sorry, but I'll try to get another 10 in before that. And, with any luck, I'll have another 10 ready for when I get back!**

 **For now, please fave, follow, review, and PM me! I can update sooner if you guys give me ideas!**


	5. Rules 41-50

**A/N- And I'm back with another 10! Thanks to those who reviewed and followed, your thoughts always make me feel happy!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

41\. Don't make literal brown 'E's out of paper, and trick the others.

\- They were all so sad.

\- So I made actual brownies.

42\. Don't throw a fish at people.

\- The others didn't appreciate it.

\- The next morning, I woke up covered in fish.

43\. Don't change the languages on people's computers.

\- Loki and I did that once.

\- We even went as far as to hack Jarvis!

44\. Don't exchange all of Natasha's guns for paintball guns.

\- Clint was covered in pink paint the next day.

\- And his bow was glued shut.

\- It was also pink.

45\. Don't mess with Clint's bow or arrows.

\- It's almost as bad as Natasha's guns.

46\. Don't correct my English.

-I've been speaking it a lot longer than you think.

-It just annoys me when people try to correct me.

-I is the bestest at Englishing!

47\. Don't leave me alone in the tower for longer than three hours.

-I get bored easily.

-The last time that happened, I broke Loki out of prison.

-And we put pranks all over the tower.

-It was hilarious!

48\. No, Black Widow is not- in any way- related to Spider-Man.

-She was a little mad when I brought that up.

-I was used for target practice.

-You know, she and Clint use that as punishment a lot.

-It's actually kinda fun!

49\. Don't squish bugs in front of Ant-Man, or Spider-Man.

-They were over at the tower one day.

-There was a huge bug that startled me.

-I beat it to death with my shoe.

-First they looked shocked.

-Then upset.

-Then mad.

-I ran after upset.

50\. Shawarma is not an everyday thing!

-Seriously, it may be good, but it gets annoying after a while, Tony!

 **A/N- Okay, last update for this story for what is probably going to be, like a week and a half. So, not too long until an update, right!**

 **And, if you all leave me ideas, I can probably squeeze one in before then.**

 ***hinthint***

 ***nudgenudge***

 ***cough*review*cough***

 **Haha, okay BAIEEEEE!**


	6. Rules 51-60

**A/N- Look, I got a third in! Okay, there has** ** _got_** **to be something better to do with my time... probably sleeping... I've been doing most of mine between 3am and 1pm. It's not my fault! I just love you people, and write every minute I can!**

 **Okay, I'm done. You all ready for another 10 rules?!**

 **(This is the part where you all scream 'YES!')**

 **Okay, I really need sleep. I'm weirder than usual...**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

51\. No food fights on the Helicarrier.

-Fury was not impressed.

-Especially not when Clint accidentally nailed him in the face with mashed potatoes.

-Clint, Tony and I had to clean everything up.

52\. I'm not allowed to have any type of stimulant.

-You know, coffee, energy drinks, sugar.

-Especially not Monster.

-I still don't really remember that week...

53\. When pranking the Avengers, leave Natasha and Bruce out of it.

-I accidentally made Bruce Hulk out.

-With Natasha, well, Loki and I were looking over our shoulders for weeks.

-She still hasn't gotten revenge.

-I'm scared...

54\. Don't glue feathers to Clint's clothes.

-Just because he is Hawkeye, doesn't mean he needs feathers everywhere.

-He duct taped me to the ceiling while I was sleeping for that.

-So, I made all his belongings stick to the ceiling in his room.

-It looked like his room was flipped upside down.

55\. Don't read my browser history.  
-I was looking up murder methods for a story.

-Tony looked through my browser history.

-They are all wary of me now.

-Especially around dresser knobs...

56\. Don't let the Avengers text each other.

-I'm scarred for life now.

57\. I need sleep.

-Tony was in the lab working on his suits all night, for three weeks.

-His music was playing really loud.

-And he kept crashing.

-I became sleep-deprived.

-It is _very bad_ when I become sleep-deprived.

58\. Don't have a nerd battle.

-Bruce and Tony did that.

-I got a headache.

-I then proceeded to shout Italian curses at them.

-Cazzo Puttana!

59\. Don't wake me up before 11am.

-I wake up when I feel like it!

60\. Don't bring up Svaðilfari around Loki.

-He hates that horse.

-He claims that it was all Odin's fault.

-I don't believe him.

 **A/N- And, another 10!**

 **Pertaining to number 58, my friend was reading a book for Assassin's Creed. It had a ton of Italian curses in it. We ran around the school singing them. No one else knew what we were saying, except for our other friends. It was a lot of fun!**

 **I actually tried playing Assassin's Creed once... I failed miserably. I had, like, 20 people chasing me from WALKING AROUND, and I threw the controller at her face, yelling 'help!' It was fun, though!**

 **Yeah, I seriously need sleep...**

 **Anyway, review, fave, follow, PM me, etcetera, etcetera.**

 **(That's a really fun word to say. Try it: etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera etcetera okay im done BAI!)**


	7. Rules 61-70

**A/N- Jeeze, won't anyone review?! But, thanks to those who have! So, as thanks for the people who support me, here is a list of who they are:**

 **Reviewers: daringwolf2000, Joyfulelf, AvengerFrost, gblack7.**

 **Followers: jwlinder, bobbo08, Joyfulelf, Fangirlsince2001, AvengerFrost, gblack7.**

 **Favers: AvengerFrost, gblack7.**

 **Virtual dessert to AvengerFrost and gblack7! You guys rock!**

 **Okay, I'm done. Read, people, read!**

 **Disclaimer: I only own my OC, Nocte.**

61\. Don't get between Natasha and her alcohol. (gblack7)

-Tony will whine.

-Natasha, well...

-Let's just say I'm having trouble sleeping with both eyes closed...

62\. When going on a mission with the others, arrange sleeping details BEFORE YOU LEAVE!

-There were only six beds.

-And no couch, or anything like that.

-I was forced to sleep outside!

-What really sucks is that it rained that night...

63\. I'm not allowed to have gummy worms anymore.

-I got this huge bag, that was meant for parties and stuff.

-Basically, not one person.

-But, I didn't let anyone else have my gummies.

-I literally growled at them.

-And I ate the whole bag that night.

-After an hour-long sugar rush, I puked.

-A lot.

64\. My books. Don't touch.

-I will kill anyone who messed up my books.

-I have no problems lending my books to you.

-Just don't mess them up!

-Tony did that once.

-He was so scared, he bought me an entire bookstore.

-I almost forgave him... almost.

65\. NEVER call me Nikki!

-Tony calls me that from time to time.

-I threaten to kill him every time.

-He usually runs away, and is gone for a week.

-I love it when people are afraid of me...

66\. NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, are you to interrupt me while I am watching Doctor Who!

-Especially of it's a really sad episode.

-Steve came to the hangout floor while I was watching "The End of Time."

-I was having a Tenth Doctor marathon.

-I was crying like a baby.

-He tried to tell me that we all had to go on a mission.

-I threw a Metaphoric Dagger at his face.

-Neither of us went on missions that day.

-(Though, for two completely different reasons.)

67\. I like being anti-social.

-LIVE WITH IT!

-I spent my entire summer locked in my room.

-I was basically just writing, reading, and listening to music.

-BEST SUMMER EVER!

68\. Skydiving is banned.

-I really freaked out the others.

-The first time, I really was falling to my death!

-The second time, however...

-Bungee jumping is still allowed, though!

-Clint and I do it every chance we get.

69\. Don't introduce the others to their fans.

-Tony mostly already knows about them.

-Thor was surprised, but happy.

-Loki tried to control them all, and make an army.

-Natasha just doesn't give a sh*t.

-Bruce will appease them a bit, but is kinda shy about it.

-Same with Steve.

-Poor Clint... Most people forgot about him.

-My fans were _awesome_!

70\. If you mess with my stories, prepare to die.

-Tony accidentally deleted the chapters I had written out.

-The ones I spent three weeks writing.

-It took all of the others together to hold me back.

-Tony disappeared for a week.

-By the time he came back, my files had been restored.

-I mostly forgave him.

 **A/N- Wow, SO SORRY for the long time it took to update. I've just not had any inspiration for this recently. Anyway, I'm heading back to school, so updates will be even more irregular.**

 **AND I CAN'T BE NOCTURNAL ANY MORE! *sob***

 **For those of you who don't know, or may not remember, a Metaphoric Dagger attacks someone emotionally, but not physically. So, Nocte basically attacked Steve with his darkest thoughts and fears, but left no physical injury. In case you were wondering.**

 **If you have any ideas, please tell me! And I've started accepting questions for my OCs to answer. I only got a few, so far, and I can't really post the story until I have enough questions. Until next time, peopleses! Review, fave, follow, and PM me!**


	8. Rules 71-80

**A/N- Woooooooooow! I am SO SORRY that it took me so long to update! There has just been ZERO inspiration in me life!**

 **Can I just say, school is soooooooooooooooo boring! Luckily, my friends are...** ** _interesting,_** **to say the least. To daringwolf2000, thank you, and I get that you don't have any ideas. I mean, I'm having troubles, too! To Joyfulelf, yes, both Nocte and I spent summer reading/writing/listening to music, mostly because all of my primary OC's are either personality-based on me, or people I know, and a lot of the inspiration for these rules comes from my life. (Like #5- my mom and stepdad are absolutely** ** _terrifying_** **without their morning coffee!)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.**

71\. I'm not allowed to have chocolate cigarettes or bubblegum cigars anymore.

-I came in one day with a chocolate cigarette (literally a little stick of chocolate wrapped in paper to look like a cigarette) hanging from my mouth.

-Steve- thinking it was a real cigarette- totally freaked.

-Tony and I had to explain to him what it was.

-The same thing happened a few days later with a bubblegum cigar.

72\. I'm not going to school anymore.

-School sucks.

-Therfore I'm not going anymore.

-Attempt to force me, and you die.

73\. Don't interrupt me and Steve while watching Disney movies.

-It all started because I had to introduce him to more of the 21st Century.

-Now, we watch Disney every Friday night, provided we're not on a mission.

-Tony came in while we were watching Bambi.

-One of the two of us was crying.

-The other one punched Tony in the face and yelled at him to leave.

-Hint: I punched Tony.

-Is it just me, or are the Disney movies just getting worse?

74\. I'm not allowed to drink out of a bottle that even remotely resembles a beer bottle.

-It was soda!

-Steve did not realize this.

-He freaked.

-Tony applauded.

-Incase you were wondering, it was Pumpkin Pie soda.

-WHICH IS DELICIOUS!

75\. Insomnia sucks.

-If anyone in the tower has it, run.

-Run FAAAAAAAAR away!

76\. Apparently, pets aren't allowed.

-I brought home a zebra from the zoo.

-Tony was okay with it. (Until it pooped)

-The others weren't impressed.

-What, it hated that cage!

77\. If you want permission for something, ask Tony or Clint.

-They will pretty much always say yes.

78\. AMENDMENT TO RULE #77!

-Apparently, Tony's permission doesn't count.

-He's not responsible enough.

-Clint is, though!

79\. I'm not allowed to talk to the fans anymore.

-I gave a full tour of the Tower, without anyone knowing.

-They were only suspicious because I had so much money.

80\. Purple.

-I'm not allowed to say it anymore.

-I went an entire day just saying 'Purple.'

-It is now 'The-Color-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named'

-Haha, _that_ won't take long to get annoying!

 **A/N- I would like to point out that with #73, it was AvengerFrost who came up with the idea to use Disney movies. Also, I love all the Disney movies, I just feel like most of the older ones are better. At least in terms of the animated movies.**


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